Russian for Beginners

The only downside to my parents being here is the infuriating ease with which they can communicate. I’ve been studying the language for two and a half years: bashing out essays on Russian literature, enduring hours of withering glares from disappointed professors, and cramming words like ‘egg cell’ and ‘living wage’ into my head. My parents learned the alphabet and a few basic phrases, and they get along just fine. Every now and then one of them will stop as we’re walking past a cafe and sound out its name ‘C-u-b-a… huh, so Cuba in Russian is Cuba?’

Cafe, coffee, restaurant – they’re all pretty much the same word in Russian as in English. Learn the words for water and toilet and you’ve pretty much got all you need to survive. If someone’s saying something at you in an accusatory voice, you just need to go ‘oh sorry I don’t speak much Russian. But I can say apple!’ And all will be forgiven.

My mum is also a master of the art of mime. She managed to convey to some women behind a till that she wanted waterproof spray for footwear the other day, using only her right hand. It was a sight to behold, and dad and I were getting ready to hide behind the counter in case she decided to start miming out 'is this only for suede?'. But the unfortunate truth is that I didn’t know how to say ‘waterproof spray’ in Russian, and she managed it just fine.

But it’s ok, if I’m ever feeling like my degree’s a little less special than I thought it was, I’ll find an unsuspecting Russian friend and talk to them about egg cells. Try miming that, mum.

Hehehe

Comments

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