Fyodor on Tour

‘Bet you anything you’ll arrive, spend twenty minutes there, and then get on the first train back to Krasnoyarsk.’ I was discussing my upcoming trip to the little Siberian town of Kansk with Kirill, who was revelling in the prospect of my imminent discomfort. ‘Come on Kirill, it can’t be that bad.’ ‘Oh it really is. You know Cheryomushkin, the really dodgy district of Krasnoyarsk?’ ‘The one where you saw two break-ins and a car theft in one afternoon?’ ‘Yeah that’s the one. Well Kansk is like a whole town made up of just Cheryomushkins.’ Kirill is not alone in holding Kansk in such low esteem. In fact, I couldn’t find anyone with a kind word to say about the place. The common responses when I told people I was going there for the weekend were either hysterical laughter or ‘don’t take anything valuable.’ Renowned Soviet author Arkady Strugatsky spent a few years there, and concluded that it was thoroughly depressing and full of criminals (this isn’t an actual quote beca...

I want to go back to the Jaw Surgery Ward. I've been transferred to the Lung Ward. The Lung Ward isn't very nice. Lots of people here are on those breathing machine things you see on telly. They're much less glamorous than they look. They constantly make a wizzing bubbling sound, and they make the whole ward feel humid and sticky like a greenhouse. You can't open any of the windows in the lung ward to take the edge off, because cold Siberian air is apparently bad for your lungs(?!). When I arrived, I walked to the desk and gave them my 'Story'. In this hospital, the wad of documents explaining the various things that are wrong with you is called a 'Story'. I like that. It makes me think of a story on social media, which conjures images of people lying on hospital beds taking selfies and trying to do peace signs with broken arms. The nurse took my Story, glanced at it, and said 'room551putyourfoodinthefridgetoilet'sonyourright'. It was a ...